Today will always be the day before life as I knew it changed forever.

The day that till death due us part came true.

A day I had been fearing since finding recovery, a day our friends and family had been fearing for years.

Today is the day before I knew just how bad it was because you didn’t show up for family court. Which was not like you. You always showed up for the fight, especially when it involved your babies.

This is the day I think I knew you surrendered to the drugs or the fate you thought you deserved.

The days of the what if’s are never few or far between. The ones that lead to fairytales or nightmares. The ones that leave me with the lingering touch or smell that I can barely remember yet cannot forget.

The ones that feel so real when you awake from you don’t know if you’re in the dream or the nightmare.

Today’s the day before the world came crashing down and I still find myself wondering how I survived it, how it lead me to redemption and salvation.

The day before Whenever, Wherever and Forever took on a whole different meaning.

Before always, all ways took on heaven and earth.


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